Worldwide, countries have businesses where on average are owned by 90% of family.
This means, in general small and medium sized businesses are ruled by different families.
And in opposite side, there are the biggest companies who are in hands of the families that have worked for generations to make the business grow.
Family businesses struggle in the first succession period.
There are several reasons why only around 50-60% of the established businesses survive the first succesion.
One of them, divorce.
I would like to talk about the effects of divorce in different aspects, not just in business.
As a child of a divorced couple who started their own group of businesses, I have experienced from first hand what are some effects of divorce on a child.
I would like to share in the following points, what I considered some consequences of divorce.
The first immediate effect after a divorce is the family divison.
Family divison is caused by confusing the real story.
It doesn’t matter what leaded to the divorce, the family will be divided.
The couple would start a life now in different directions.
This decision would make the children to have do see what of both parents I will follow now.
And this should not be like this.
There is no fully black and white story.
In my case I have heard both my mother and my father, and each of them at one point blaimed the counter part.
At my eyes, marriage is a thing of two.
Two people make decisions, but they should have take decisions as one.
After a divorce, children have to eventually decide where does he or she is going to spend more time.
If the mother has more custody, and in most cases by law, the children will stick to her side.
Then as a children, in my case, I grew up also listenting one side of the story it also could create a mistaken truth in your head.
When I heard my fathers story, then I started to notice that all that I heard from one side might not be fully truth.
Confusion could came to children, growing up with two versions of the story.
This confusion of trying to understand who was right or wrong would make the children to choose one side.
And choosing sides would be just wrong.
Of course, it has to be analyzed the full story in detail.
But eventually, kids would spend more time with one side of the family.
Which it brings up to the second point.
Children might see what one day it was a world together, now it is a world split appart.
Decisions of where to spend Christmas is the principal one.
Hardly ever a Christmas will be spend again as a united family.
In my case it took 15 years so that my family had a Christmas together with my siblings at my mothers house, but even though my father was not there.
We had a wonderful Christmas, and we enjoyed, but it would never be the same.
So as a childre of divorced, one learns how to enjoy life in a different way.
The pain and desire of a united family will always be there.
But there are decisions that are not for the children to make.
Children of divorced just live with the consequences of a decision they didn’t take.
Children of divorced have to now see their grandparents of one side without a visit of a full family.
My parents where growing their business in the town they live.
They created around 5 differentes typesof businesses.
They were working together to build up a strong business group, so that in the future the rewards of that work will help the future of their children.
Also, the businesses that were built up were serving the community with products and services.
In my case, my parents had businesses such as furniture store, car store, women’s and baby’s clothing, shoes store and real state.
Financially, the family was growing.
The society somehow also saw how my parents worked together, and they were example of a working couple.
But as problems started to arise, society started to notice that there were something wrong between them.
Negativity came out of the relationship.
The role model example of a working couple was vanishing.
And therefore there was no leading couple that showed how true love and hard working love could also look like.
Society lost a role model couple.
And eventually lost the products and services of the business group.
In family business, I always say that, business will have ups and downs, but what it actually make the hard work is dealing with feelings.
Family businesses involve feelings.
At normal companies, you would not talk too much about emotions with colleagues.
In a family business you don’t split appart this side.
Decisions are not made just with logical and rational analysis.
Decision are made with the gut.
If the divorce appears withing a entrepreneurial couple, then the question will pop to the air, What will happen with the business?
There are couples who decide to go to court to keep fighting.
There are couples who will sell and split.
There are couples who one side will prefer to give to the other everything, like in my case.
My father opted to give my mother his side of the shares so that we can keep them.
My mother’s story is that my father wanted to take everything from her.
So there was going to be a never ending story.
As I mentioned, there is no right or wrong.
But the consequence of the divorce bring 3 business down.
My mother only kept the furniture store.
My father kept the car store and kept working with Real State.
What it was supposed to be a financial support for the children in the future, it disappeared with a divorce.
But what specifical phsicological aspect could the divorce had on me.
Of course, in me it somehow also created the fear of having a future failure when I get married, but also it give me the opportunity to work myself up to be the person that I want to be so that I could turn myself into a person with strong values.
It is a constant struggle of personal suffering of “Why this happened to me”.
But experiencing this suffering it opens the door to choose the path of the type of person that I want to be.
I can not blame other ones for what I lived.
I have to take responsibility of the relationships that I take.
And I had to build a mature way of thinking, otherwise I could have gone easily to a mistaken path like drugs, alcohol or even not taking care of relationships.
I do think that children of divorced, don’t want to experience this again.
We are all not perfect and we do mistakes, but experiences like this give us the opportunity to work for what we want.
It would create a better world to have real love example couples so that the society can see that it is possible.
Stories like the one of my grandparents where only death set them appart are still possible to achieve.
It is up to the children of the divorced to take the decision, would you let that a decision you didn’t take bring you down.
Or despite what happened to you, you will work yourself up to be a positive Role model in Society.
In my opinion, we as a society have given an importance to educate for the values of the world.
This means, we have prioritzed to educate ourselves to have a good career.
We have educated ourselves for around 20 years to have the best job position.
We have educated ourselves to improve our business and get more money.
But have we really worked ourselves to reduce the number of divorces and to be really prepared to marriage.
Is not marriage a more important decision than the job position that we want?
Numbers show that in the US the divorce rate is decreasing.
I believe that listening to experiences of divorced childern could help others to think twice the consequences of divorce.
I believe that listening the voice of divorced couples can give guidance to other people.
If we want better family businesses, I think that we should also work on working on improving family relationships.
At the end, I think that the business is just business, and it will grow or go down depending on the season, but a family union is just gold.
If you have more questions, don’t hesitate to contact me.
I hope this experience about the effects of divorce helped you.